when i was 14, i had this friend. they were lovely, and i would spend many a night with them doing whatever the hell we pleased. it didn’t matter that they were already 18, and so much more mature than me – they said that they enjoyed my company and nothing else mattered as long as we were both having fun. slowly, they became the only person in our friend group i spoke to on the daily. i separated myself from everyone else because they told me to, saying it was for my best interest. they told me we should run away together, and i almost listened. almost. until they told me they’d like us to be more than friends, more than the almost-siblings we’d become. they did something horrible to me. we shared so much. they knew me far better than i knew myself. but i saw clearly for the first time in a year and a half, and i tore them completely out of my life. i know now, in hindsight, that they groomed me. but for whatever reason, if they apologized to me tomorrow, i’d accept it. i miss them so much. i miss their company. i miss their smile. i just miss them.