My brother has all these special interests and I shared many of them when I was younger so I know a lot of info about them. I feel like I have a very strained relationship with him as of a result of my own problems, and I cut him off every time he tries to info dump. I’m a terrible older brother and I don’t know how to be better, I wish i could love him, but I don’t know how, seeing all these happy sibling relationships in media and stories of how older brothers hurt their younger brothers just makes me feel like when we grown up I’m going to be the bad guy in his stories of his childhood and I don’t know how to be better. I want to be the loving older brother figure, but I can’t express my emotions in a healthy way, and I just get so angry sometimes I just don’t know what to do anymore I hate being like this, because I know I’m a bad person but I don’t know how to get better and be loving in a way that he can tell I love him.

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