I tried to kill myself several years ago and life got better for a while, but I’m now back to those thoughts and in an even worse place than before. I wish I had been successful. Furthermore, I never thought being a fighter, never letting yourself give up, could be a bad thing until now. If I keep pushing for what I want, I’m only going to keep making it all worse, but I don’t know how to stop and let go. I’m exhausted and all I can think is how much of a waste it was to keep living just to end up here. Everything I lived through when I could’ve been at peace already. I know people care about me, but I also know I am a black hole sucking the people I love into my miserable void. I just don’t want to do this anymore. Hope has become a curse, and I’m fighting a battle I’ve already lost. And worst is that I promised I wouldn’t kill myself, and I keep my promises. Even though the person I promised, the love of my life, told me he isn’t in love with me and probably never was, and he doesn’t even want to love me if he could. I don’t want to keep going. I want to break my stupid promise the way he broke him promise to always love me. My dreams are dead, and I’m too tired to make new ones. I just want it all to stop. To end. I want to end.

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