I’ve been having horrible nightmares and thoughts about this for years, and it eats me up inside to the point I want to be sick even thinking about it.
I’ve always been a rather curious kid, which was probably why I probably shouldn’t have been on the Internet at such a young age. I don’t remember how young I was at the time, but I remember I was younger than 10, but I saw a lot of sexual and graphic things on the Internet. My younger brother saw them too, and I have no idea how, but we tried to try some of the things we had seen out once. I don’t know why, and I hate myself for it, I don’t even know if he remembers it ever happening but I do. It makes me want to be sick, it makes me want to claw my skin off and bury myself 6ft under. It was wrong, I know that now, but I know I never would have known at that age. But, what I need to know is, am I still a horrible person for it? What should I do? Should I do nothing and try to forget? Please, I’m still just a kid and I don’t want to have to think about this anymore, I don’t want to have to worry about it, or stress over it. I don’t want to be paranoid.
2 thoughts on “”
First of all it is normal for kids to explore things they do not know yet. You now know it was wrong and you’d never do it again. You are not a bad person because one strange thing went down when you were too young to know better. It’s difficult but forgive yourself for your childish transgressions. You’d be surprised how many people have childhood stories like this with their siblings.
Back in year 9 I had a teacher he was like 50 something I told one of my friends that he was being weird with me so she started a look out for me just in case. one day me and my friend where late to his class and we walked in together we told him why we were late but he didn’t say nothing so we just sat down he continued to stare at me the entire lesson every time he would stand up to do something he would look at me every time he sat down he would do the same thing I didn’t notice this till my friend pointed it out. when everyone left the class me and my friend started to pack our bags ready to leave too but when everyone walked out the door the teacher locked it we asked him why he said “I just need a word with you two” so me and my friend sat down we didn’t know what to do since he was standing by the door so we couldn’t of just unlocked it and walked out. He started walking closer to us and we started to get scared he grabbed my knee and said “just sit still for me” and he turned to my friend and grabbed her knee and said “you two are my favourite in the class you know” we sat there shaking as he started to put his hand further and further up our skirts my friend screamed and smacked his hand away and headed for the door but he beat her to it she screamed again to get a teachers or even a students attention but the teacher just stared at us and said “it’s lunch time you know” me and my friend were almost at the verge of tears when we heard footsteps. we started shouting and the teacher started to panic he looked at us and said “shut up” but we kept screaming he didn’t want to do anything in case someone saw him through the glass on the door as we kept shouting he slowly moved from the door and unlocked it the teacher waking across the hall looked at us and asked us what was wrong we told her everything we all went back to the teachers class to call the headteacher and report him the teacher that had basically saved us from god knows what he was gonna do to us grabbed him and also took him to the class with us the headteacher soon come with police and took the man me and my friend almost cried again we where scared and didn’t know what to say. Till this day he’s still in prison i know I’m making it out to be years later but it’s only been 4 months I decided to still keep him anonymous and everyone else in this story because I’m a nice person if it wasn’t for the teacher walking across the hall we probably would have been [email protected] so I’m just grateful she was there and helped us I’m still scared and I’m still afraid of that classroom my friend has moved schools I don’t blame her at all if he comes back which I highly doubt he’s going too. He’s gonna have a lot of people on his back about what happened. I don’t know why I decided to tell this story but it’s here now and I feel better for letting it out thank you 🙂 I’m keeping myself anonymous to for my privacy